60YoC - Escalation (ENG)

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RS
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60YoC - Escalation (ENG)

Příspěvekod RS » 16 říj 2008 20:37

http://60yearsofchallenge.wordpress.com ... -ends-bad/


It ALWAYS ends Bad
July 27, 2008 · 1 Comment

It ALWAYS ends bad

I mean this in a positive way!

A lot of times guys don’t ESCALATE because they like to bask in the glory of their current level of success. Their EGO wants their memory of the interaction to be a good one.

Field Example

Guy opens girl on the street. They walk towards a coffee shop. They exchange names and flirt a bit. It’s going good. Guy wants to ask girl if she would like to join him for a cup of coffee. But he doesn’t. Later on he kicks himself and wonders what could have been. Damn! She was hot.

Despite some regret, his EGO is very happy. The memory of the interaction will always be a positive one. He opened successfully on the street and got a girl to smile. Nice!

The truth is he didn’t push for more (escalate) because he didn’t want the interaction to end on a negative note. (in rejection)

ie.

Guy: Let’s grab a cup of coffee
HB: Um, no that’s OK. Bye.

Now his EGO sees things differently. He was blown off. The interaction was a failure. I suck. I was rejected.

Guys, IT ALWAYS ENDS BAD!!!

Unless it’s a LR

I’ve had women trying to take me home at night and ignore my calls the next day. I call again. Fuck it. I have no EGO. She might dis me or flake. Who gives a fuck? It always ends bad.

Examples

1. Guy does well, gets # but doesn’t call because he assumes she won’t respond.

2. Guy flirts with girl all the time but NEVER asks her out because he is scared she will say NO.

3. Guy flirts, touches her a bit, but doesn’t kiss her because he is worried she doesn’t like him that much.

All these guys just want things to end GOOD. So they can have their little story about how they got a hot girls number, or flirted with a really attractive woman. Whatever. It’s an EGO thing.

They didn’t push things further (escalate) because they didn’t want things to end BAD. But it always ends bad. Every time!

Follow everything to it’s conclusion. Every set, every #, every prospect. Every time. Unless it’s a LR it will always end bad. (and that’s OK)

I met a smoking HOT girl last night. I can just stop there and have some story about that. Pump up my EGO. But I will call, I will push things, I will meet her out and escalate. At any point this can end VERY badly. This doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it or I fucked up.

Even though it ALWAYS ends bad, you still have the fun memory, you still have the positive experience.

You are still the man!

Your escalation mission: Make sure it ALWAYS ends bad!

60

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Příspěvekod dare » 16 říj 2008 21:23

I did read this like two days ago... It's a really awesome motivational tool that makes you continue - its like "hell this has to come to an end sometime why not pull the trigger at least a little bit"

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Příspěvekod Fedajkin » 17 říj 2008 13:54

Jak by řekl Barney - its awesome! Totálně mě to vystihlo, měl jsem pocit že 60 pšíe o mě :D

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Příspěvekod K » 24 bře 2010 12:09

Sometimes I catch myself doing that when the escalation gets a bit sketchy.
Even though the girl gives me IOI's, everything seems to be going well for her but I start to feel uneasy, I either number close (which usually leads to a flake) or leave the set, open another and re-open later.

When I think about it the good solution might be to throw in an interesting routine to take the conversation to a deeper level so she can help you to reinitiate the chat or get better at multi-threading.

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Příspěvekod sp*ge » 25 bře 2010 18:33

Basically that article says that if I don´t challenge my fear, I(my ego) is more happy than if I have failed? That´s so weird.
I mean for most people it probably works like that, but giving up and not pushing thru my fear is for me like one of the most inner game damaging things.
Either I win now or I gain experience(=win later)
Oh man your penis must be a vagina because you are wrong

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Příspěvekod RS » 26 bře 2010 16:39

Given how I see things now I wouldnt post this article any more.

There is 1 points that I still agree with:
- when success/failure are an important ways how you conceptualize yourself (your EGO-building activity), then in some cases it can be harder to escalate. Especially if you experience a friendly talk as an success, why would you risk spoiling it by escalating?

Thus 70y recommends visualizing that it will always be bad, thus "tricking" your ego-building: if it is going to end bad, then it becomes useless to use the failure/succes dimension as a criterion to judge yourself.

I dont think that it is a good trick now. It is adding an illusion "it always end bad", to another illusiory activity (judging yourself on the failure/success dimension). It

I think 70ys advice is built also on an idea of pushing, commanding yourself to "break through". This results in bursts of under- and overacting (as a car that has the handbreak on is driving shockwise)

My recommendation would be to become aware of you judging yourself. Realizing that you draw positive energy from the idea of having success, and realizing what it cost you (loss of flexibillity, negative feeling when failure). You have to find out yourself if building up or breaking down ego is better.

Since I am less focused on being succesful as an egobuilding activity, I pay more attention to the grl. There is a lot to learn from interaction with the girl. Focusing your attention on the girl, relaxing the logical mind, delegating energy and power to your more emotional part makes things so much more easy.

(For example: I notice that it is not only a question of me escalating too little or too much. Some grls are more ready for it than others. And you can always escalate a bit, and if she doesnt like it, you dont lose anything, because she noticed 1) he escalated. 2) i didnt want it yet 3) he respects I didnt want it yet
Which builts comfort)

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Příspěvekod vph » 26 bře 2010 17:22

Exactly, I understand it as clear communication of your interest to girl. Her perception of you as a "straightforward, but respecting guy" will be rooted in her mind afterwards..
Authenticity is the ultimate pickup line.


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